I read this morning of another case of a screaming child being kicked off an airplane. According to the news story, the mother said that she was waiting until takeoff to feed her child. Guess what, so do I. She reportedly had a bag of in-flight toys and books ready. Clearly this was a mom who had traveled before.
Every two year old melts down.
I am not going to change the view of people who don’t like kids, who think they should be seen not heard, or who think they belong at the back of the plane or not on the plane at all. I also am not going to ring in on what this mother was or was not doing to “control” or “calm” her child. I am going to call out everyone who is judging another person’s parenting.
I was recently that mom traveling solo at the Southwest gate with the two year old in a meltdown so dramatic all the forces in the universe could not calm her down. And you know what? I was being judged for everything I was doing or not doing to try and mitigate the situation.
My talking to her – I’m a pushover. If I spanked her, I would be abusive. If I drugged her with Benadryl or TV (my batteries ran out on the first leg of the trip), I was negligent. When I carried her down the jetway under my arm in a football hold trying to cover her mouth to minimize the noise, someone was probably calling child services.
We boarded, but, if looks could kill I would not be alive today. I sat in row six forgetting that there is a universal understanding that children should sit at the back of the airplane. The fit continued as I tried to keep her buckled in her seat. One flight attendant kept a close watch to scold me when she wiggled out. (Or maybe throw us off the flight?) And then the plane started moving, Mirielle calmed down and fell asleep before we hit 3000 ft — just like she usually does.
To all the bloggers out there who are giving this mom advice, or calling on parents to be more respectful of other travelers, or reminding parents how to behave with kids on airplanes, or telling people to keep kids off the airplane — you are judging this woman’s and my parenting and I don’t like it.
For those with children, I guess you have never been on a flight where your child spilled a drink, wet himself, pooped, threw up, threw something over a seat, kicked a seat, talked, screamed, cried, touched another passenger, whined, dumped food on the floor, ran up or down an aisle or really needed to jump the bathroom line? And I bet in your regulation size carry-on there something to take care of all of those situations plus multiple hours of delays?
For those without children, I bet you have never had a cell phone conversation, worn perfume, cologne or a stinky soap, flown with a sneeze/runny nose/cough, had bad breath or body odor, used your neighbor’s seat/storage/tray/armrest as your own, spilled food or drink, watched a movie with violence/sex on your laptop, turned the volume up so everyone could share you music/movie, cursed, farted, painted your nails or consumed smelly food on an airplane?
None of us know where the line is between acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior because it is different for each of us. Most people think their view is the right one. (It can’t be, because mine is.)
I am going to keep traveling with my child in the not-so-friendly skies. She will kick your seat, whine, squirm, run up the aisle stopping to check out what movie you are watching, and not make it to the lavatory in time. I will try and manage her behavior when it bothers other people (if it bothers other people, it bothered me long before). I try to prevent that behavior from happening in the first place, but I fail sometimes.
When I do fail, this bad parent hopes I chase my daughter right past you to take our seats in first class on our way to visit a non-children’s museum before going out to dinner at a restaurant where they don’t have crayons.
First class is fine for kids.
A special thanks to the people standing behind me in line for carrying my backpack while I carried my daughter down the jetway.
I loves me a good rant! Well said. One thing that floors me is all the assumptions people will make because of how your child acts *one* time. I’ve flown dozens of times with my kids and have probably only ever had trouble once or twice. But I’m sure the people around us assumed it was a common occurrance.
.-= Mara´s last blog ..Mondays are for dreaming: Discounted tickets for the Big Apple Circus =-.
You have it exactly right
If I spent my life worrying what other people think of my parenting I’d never leave the house. I’d hardly be developing well-rounded people then, would I? Much better to just try to stay calm and focus on what your child needs from you.
Frankly, the comments about what a good parent I am (in the twilight-zone like moments when everyone is behaving well) rankle me just as much as the glares – kids have off moments just like we adults do, they’re just not as good as channeling that energy in a “socially acceptable” way.
So this has been all the talk in the news around here since last week, since it was a San Jose mom. Front page treatment, radio call-ins….I’m so over the kids shouldn’t fly argument. I’ve been wanting to write my own rant about it, my thing always is: I’ve had worse experiences flying with adults than kids. They’re rude, loud, drunk, you name it. Yet that doesn’t inspire people to call the radio shows.
.-= Carolina´s last blog ..The Monarchs Are Back =-.
I am glad that someone said it…
Last week we flew home from Washington DC. My children had already peacefully survived the leg from DC to ATL. Then they survived a two hour layover in the airport (exactly one hour longer than it should have been). Then they survived sitting on the tarmac for an hour because of another delay. During this hour delay after several hours of traveling and waking up at 4am) my children thankfully were very peaceful and quite. Once we took off, they lost it. Luckily I was able to calm them down before too much damage was done, but we still got “the look” and a few ugly comments. Mind you, no one said anything to the obnoxious lady on the cell phone trying to make her hotel reservations while announcing her entire credit card, security number and all, the entire time we were sitting on the tarmac. I didn’t say anything about the guy behind me kicking my seat the entire time.
.-= Jen@TwoKidsandaMap´s last blog ..Dreaming of Hawaii =-.
The only (child) thing I can’t stand is kicking the back of my seat. Probably because it is usually pretty willful behavior on the part of the child. They can scream, cry, and generally be a mess. It is very stressful for them at times and uncomfortable, and they don’t have the skills to express themselves more “appropriately.”
Now, having said that, I rarely travel with my son, unless it is by car, so the only person I piss off is me!
Now as to adult behaviors, I can list a million that get on my nerves. Don’t even get me started on adult rudeness, or child rudeness at an inappropriate age ( a 7 y/o generally doesn’t need to scream or kick).
indeed! I honestly can’t stand people who get upset about kids flying. Kids are human beings just like the rest of us and people need to learn to treat those of us flying with kids with a little more respect.
I laughed at your last paragraph. My husband gave my toddler and me his first class seat on our last flight. I felt a little worried about being “the one with the kid” in first class, but everyone was nice, she was very well behaved, and the extra room was a lifesaver. (Plus a fellow first-classer told me she won the award for “best behaved baby.” lol!)
Here Here… I actually live in a bit of a vacuum here in Scotland with no TV and hadn’t heard this story. I am totally stunned someone with an upset child (there was probably a reason for the meltdown like airline delays) was subjected to more reason to be upset. We seem much more able to ‘laugh off’ or make excuses for adult behaviour, while we judge children and their parents harshly. Even other parents judge parents!! Its weird, we should be supporting each other.
I would also think it’s the air stewards job to help. I have to say, our long hall flight from Australia to London with Emirates was perfect. They really look after children, bring them special meals that come out first, supply in between snack boxes, and little packs of toys. They even sat us at the front (just behind first class) so we would have more room!
.-= Emma´s last blog ..Sunday’s Stories – The Intrigue of Anonymity =-.
I can appreciate both sides of the argument. The only thing that I will not tolerate is kicking the seat. Having been a frequent flyer, I’ve had my share of situations, but honestly, the rudest, loudest, most obnoxious people are usually the adults because there is nobody to tell them to behave. Most parents are very diligent with their children’s behavior as are we when we fly.
The last time we flew first class (this past May), we boarded to the welcome of “oh no…” accompanied by another rude comment. I proceeded to get the kids settled, then loudly announced to my 3 year old that normally I’d ask him to be quiet, but that he had carte blanche to yell and play as much as he wanted on this flight. I’m sure he thought that daddy had lost his mind, but I think we made our point.
.-= Randy´s last blog ..Cheap Winter Vacations =-.
Thank you! Exactly what I think too… so we both MUST be right. My little pumpkin has gone on 6 trips in her first year (I don’t even know how many individual flights). She is such a little trooper but… the 3, maybe 15 minute, fits she has thrown I have received such looks and even a few comments…”It is so cruel to put a baby through this, they shouldn’t even allow them on the flights…” REALLY! I can hear you! I do have to say I have sat next to some real angels that helped me and engaged with my little one. On our last flight, our seat mate held her hand for almost the entire 3 hour flight. It was very sweet. Keep up the travels, your child well be a better traveler at 3 than most adults.
Connecting flights: Put time on your side « new-dswp // May 5, 2010 at 9:54 pm
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